What once involved handwritten letters, bunches of flowers and carefully planned moments now often unfolds behind a screen.

Whether indulging in a 2000s rom-com or listening to stories of your own lovesick parents, it’s difficult to ignore the stark differences between modern dating culture and ‘traditional’ ways of meeting a girl/boyfriend of a few decades ago.

Today, people are often more hesitant to express their emotions openly and less likely to reveal how they truly feel.

Much of this shift is tied to a new form of communication: our phones. Dating apps are still popular with adults and Gen Z, but not with high schoolers, with most connections forming through social media platforms.

Platforms such as Instagram and Snapchat have transformed the versatility and ease of communication. Instead of waiting to see someone face to face, you can now communicate instantly with a swipe of a finger.

But this convenience also creates new complications. Social media can act as a mask, allowing people to hide behind their screens.

 

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“There are two ways to meet someone now,” Rei Ang, a 17-year-old student from Shanghai, told Harbingers’ Magazine. “Either in real life or online.”

She believes that “online dating works best when it feels like real-life communication.” Calls, voice notes and video chats make it feel real without you having to be in the same place.

In fact, Rei believes many of her friends prefer real-life interactions. “It’s the bravery that makes it beautiful,” she said, referring to the vulnerability involved in expressing feelings face to face.

Technology can certainly make relationships possible across distance, yet it can also complicate them.

Another student, Raghab Bhatnagar, 18, from Hong Kong, hasn’t been in what he would call a ‘real’ relationship, but has watched his friends navigate what he calls “situationships”, connections that exist in the grey area between friendships and relationships, often defined by an avoidance of commitment.

“Social media has flipped what it means to make the first move,” he explained. “Now it can be as easy as replying to a story. It’s easier, so it means less.”

Small digital gestures, such as liking a post, sending a snap, leaving someone on “read”, now carry emotional weight once reserved for physical touch and eye contact.

Both students mentioned the subtle ritual of the “soft launch”, posting a photo that hints at a relationship without fully revealing it.

“There’s always a balance between showing pride and seeking attention,” Rei admitted. On social media, people want to declare love, but also find a need to perform it.

Raghav recounted a friend’s experience with this pressure: “For her, posting him was a symbol that things were official. But for him, it felt like pressure. The closer she got to soft launching, the more he backed away.”

There’s no use in denying the pull of a “soft launch”, especially from the people you know – it’s hard to turn a blind eye when social media is flooded with side profiles concealed under massive bouquets every Valentine’s Day.

These various views reveal a quiet tension between the expectations of online culture and the desire for something more authentic. Many young people find themselves balancing two identities: the one they perform online and the one that seeks genuine connection beyond the glow of a screen.